BERLIN -- Exactly one week after the German government legalized gay marriages, Angelika and Gudrun Pannier, the country's first connubial lesbian couple, have already separated and are filing for divorce. "The sex has really slowed down considerably since the wedding," said Angelika, "I'd say it's been almost a week now since we last...you know." The local German news reporter covering the story then admitted he didn't know, and asked for further elaboration. Ms. Pannier continued: "Well, you know, since we did it." The reporter then expressed a continued sense of confusion as to how two women went about 'doing it', and asked if it were possible for her to please provide him with a photograph.

Ms. Pannier continued, "Well Christ, when we were dating, she would take to my cooch like a Hungry Hungry Hippo! She'd be the cop and I'd be the illegally-betrothed lesbian and oh, would she give me the nightstick but good! But now that we're bound to each other by law, I don't know, the attraction just isn't there," Ms. Pannier agreed, "Lately we really haven't even bothered to make time for each other. I've got my whole crystal wholesaling business to worry about, and she's always watching old Xena videos. Oh God. I can stand no more of this hellish legally-sanctioned monogamous union!!"

Unfortunately, the couple may have more time for each other than they bargained for. Berlin authorities have forced a halt on the divorce proceedings, claiming gay divorces have yet to be legalized. As of Wednesday, the couple has been allowed to live in separate apartments ("co-dehabitate"), but has not yet been permitted to either give up their tax benefits or to revert back to their 'maiden' names. One of them is currently dating a local German news reporter.

"Looks like we've got another fight on our hands!" exclaimed Ms. Pannier. In response to yesterday's divorce denial news, the country's first gay couple has begun campaigning to recriminalize gay marriages, fearing other gay couples may meet the same fate. The Panniers currently spend much of their time in Berlin's Regierungsviertel Square holding signs and shouting "Take Your Laws out of our Vaginas! Keep it dirty! Make it a crime!"