LOS ANGELES -- In contrast to last year's post-NBA championship riot, in which two police cars and a news van were torched, eleven arrests were made, and damage totaled $750,000, this year's celebration seemed downright timid.

If you think the LAPD was responsible for the peaceful evening, think again. The real reason: Lakers Flags. Introduced three months ago, thousands of L.A.'s cars now proudly display Lakers Flags in their windows. The catch? Installing a flag requires your vehicle's window to remain open approximately one half inch, making it easy for any thief to break in.

Said rioter Kevin Bethea, "Last year's flagless victory riot was a disappointment. This year, we were able to get in there with coathangers, with slimjims. Get in and get out. We didn't have to smash windshields and set cars on fire. It's safer, too. I mean, when you smash a window, that's when most of your injuries occur. Overall, I'd say it was a classier riot."

Ironically, many basketball fans bought the flags hoping their show of Lakers support would prevent would-be arsons from smashing their windows and setting their cars on fire. Unfortunately, the exact opposite turned out to be the case. Streetcorner flag vendors, authorities are now discovering, were the very folks responsible for the automobile break-ins.

"Look, okay, so we invented the flag knowing it would help us bust into cars," commented street vendor Grady Puryear, "but it kept us from rioting. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's a trade off. Life is a trade off that way."

"We are really looking forward to next year's riot." added vendor/thief Lakount Maddox, "This year we just weren't thinking. We had the window gap thing going for us, but we still had car alarms to deal with. We have some new promotional items coming out that should solve the problem. For starters, there's a little mechanical Shaq that sits in your window and lights up and shoots baskets and raps. It plugs into your cigarette lighter. After an hour or so your battery goes dead and disables the car alarm and BANG! That's when we break in. It sells for $19.95."